Saturday, May 31, 2008

strange day.

make that strange week in fact. lots of crazy stuff has happened this week. too much to recap, just read the posts. i can't remember if they're all about my bike or about other stuff as well? whatever.

so yesterday i was really sick. i got a pretty bad stomach ache in the morning so i called in to work sick. i just stayed home all day. sleeping and resting. then i got a head ache around noon and both things lasted until 3 am. which sucked cause i was so hungry. but i felt sick so i couldn't eat, and my head hurt too so i also couldn't sleep. laying there aching in pain and a cold sweat really made me think. it's so nice to have someone who will take care of you. no one took care of me. since I'm considered an adult in my household . they just offered advice and took guesses as to why i was sick. i wanted so badly to just recover right away so i could go to bar spins and baby jesus(ten's trick session) but my stomach wouldn't let up. while i was sick. i felt like everything was just a haze. my plan for that day was to be sick yea yada yada yada. then get better soon, not go to work! clean my room, then go to bs&bj, then go home and relax. i didn't think i was thaaat sick. anyways my plans were ruined. and all i could think of was how messy my room was, and how little i could do about it in my state. you see a small part of me believes in feng shui or however you say that. i think the source of all this mess and clutter stems from maybe one or two things being out of alignment. i know it's pretty crazy but it's sort of like how when you may have a page of math questions and they're all basic arithmetic except for one calculus question and you suddenly feel like putting it off. lol this entry has been one big digression hasn't it. there is a point to this rambling believe it or not. I'm trying to weed out the average skimmer who comes here and goes "yada yada yada sick yada yada messy room whoa big post not reading rest cya" to those of you loyal enough to read through my booby trap thank you. so for the past week janice and i have been on hiatus. we decided it'd be best if we were apart. janice didn't really have much of a choice though since i was the one who came up with this idea i was the one to largely implement it. janice and i have been through some rough patches before. and this one is no different from the others. I'm not mad at her for anything. and i hope shes not mad at me. i honestly think that this is for the best. we've been struggling with a lot of things lately. i think it's better to let her be alone then to be around my negativity and me taking her for granted. she doesn't deserve that. so rather then watch things shatter before my eyes i decided to save what love and friendship we have left. some how i thought separating would be the best way . i found myself constantly reassuring her everything would be fine. but would they? right now i don't know. i don't have the guts to call her and i don't know wether this is working. i don't want to call her and say i'm sorry this was a terrible idea lets get back together. i'm already blamed enough in this relationship for "being on the fence" i made my decision and i must stick to it and see it though. i don't know why i feel so strange. maybe it's because i want to talk to her. i know i can't cause the second i do i'll cave. i have to be strong right now. because this is for our own good. wether i like it or not i know it's for our own good. when you love something you can let it go. and when it comes back to you, you know it was meant to be.

1 comment:

vuudoo said...

quite the block of text you put out there. ate up every word.