Monday, December 8, 2014


      i'm realizing lately ... everything in life is about truth. the one true underlying factor to all things and interactions boils down to truth. a person can be fake or a person can be real. and it is MUCH harder to be real. we are always encountering new people asking ourselves "what is this person's damage?" because we all have some kind of baggage even the bravest and strongest of us have some kind of hurt or complex we can't let go of. no one is perfect far from it we are mostly weird and messed up it's just that we've all learned how to put on this happy face for the world to see. it's almost like that movie pleasantville everyone wants to show the world they are impervious to pain anger damage. everybody tries sooo hard to be this super-you where you can balance a million things and relationships and make everyone happy and make everyone love you... but what does it all mean? it means to me people are scared of simply being true being REAL. if you let your anger show every time or your sadness every time or your pain and hurt feelings every time how many stupid explosive situations could be avoided. but no.. instead about 80 - 90% of society has this silly ideal of passive aggression... no one wants to dialogue and understand each other.. instead we've settled ourselves with this fucking stupid ass idea of:

 "Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."

 i'm sorry mark twain but i bet you were one passive aggressive pompous mother fucker cause that to me tells me you always believe in your own knowledge never to attempt to find a middle ground. once a person thinks they know everything and stops trying to learn(from greater or lesser minds)THAT is when you've become the fool. once you stop learning you will indefinitely stop succeeding and stop growing as a human being. you mine as well be dead if you stop being a student. to me stubborn and stupid are the same word. albeit there is a good kind of stubborn but thats not what i'm talking about. i'm talking about the fucking dumb ass kind of stubborn that refuses to budge an inch in their mentality. those kind of people that are static in their thinking and refuse to change or evolve. they become stuck. rationality is just such a sexy beautiful quality! a rational person hears an argument and weighs the truths in their mind maybe comes to a mutual understanding maybe disagrees but at least they can think critically about whats in front of them. then a dialogue ensues either one of agreement or argument to try and appeal to the opposing human's perspective and help them to see the validity of their view. if you feel passionately about something you fight and you listen to your heart. feelings intuitions are something we forget and ignore favouring our brain's logic... but is this for the better always? we as human animals have the same great instincts as the eagle in the sky that just feels it in his bones there will be fish where he dives. or the same feelings a gazelle has when it feels it is being watched by a lion and bolts like the wind. we as humans have these same great sensibilities that animals in the wild have. because we separated ourselves so far from nature we tend to forget it.

 instead we like to favour our logic over our emotions and instincts which to be honest isn't necessarily always a bad thing. sometimes a person IS simply too fucking stupid to reason with. sometimes a situation IS in vain and frivolous in nature. that is why you know when to fight and when to "not outshine the master" pick and choose your battles as any wise military leader or tactician would. flee one day to overthrow another. but i digress. truth is the one denominating factor of life. those that seek to find and observe the realities and truths will be raised to a new level of consciousness. i sound like a quack but you know what until you try to live life the way i do never running from my feelings never hiding from something i disagree with never being passive instead being active and rise to action you will not understands my words.

 you are stubborn. you are stuck.

 i live life with no regrets and no fear. i fear fear. i rather die standing than live kneeling. my honour my word mean something to me. so i am truthful: if i think someone is lame i let them know and tell them why, if i think someone is cool i praise them and let them know they are a good person. i bully the bullies cause who else will. and if you think i am a hypocrite and a bully myself then go ahead and attack me and my logic and i'll show you how good my heart is how strong my intellect is. it's like i said i am ALWAYS down to dialogue and learn from every encounter. perhaps THAT is why i am this strong... because through facing adversity and overcoming it that is what gives me strength and helps me grow.."what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"(from bushido not dumb song lyric)

 look.. shit happens that is inevitable we will always be faced with problems greater than our capabilities or minds and we can either in the words of master yoda "do or do-not there is no try!" rise or fall but you must try! the way you react counts most because it is your reaction to shitty things that defines you.

 i am not the absolute truth no one or thing is... i prefer to be seen as lower and lesser. always the student never the master i just want to learn and grow every day! so don't blindly believe these words i write instead think about them struggle with them attack them critically with your mind and maybe confront me and lets debate what we see to be true and what to be false. i am NOT stubborn i am VERY rational. come to your own conclusions on what life is to you. a wise man once told me

 "the secret to life is..... we all find our own secret to life."

 have a nice day my beautiful homies. ;)

Friday, December 13, 2013

days go by.

we are all dying yet we choose to ignore it. when you're young it's easy to forget time is precious life is precious this present conscious moment is precious. then suddenly you're old and dying and riddled with regrets of days gone by..  it's like a daily ritual of mine to forget i'm breathing and that life is a miracle. always always back to drifting through life like it's some pass time.

if i actually treated my life like it could end tomorrow i wouldn't be living like this. i wouldn't be so complacent thats for sure. i let so many things slip through my fingers and i hate myself for it. you know those moments when you feel it in your bones that something is supposed to happen or something is supposed to be said and then you just let it go and let the coward in your heart be in control. those moments you really regret not being the hero of your story… would that kind of shit even happen if that split second you were reminded our time is not infinite and opportunities pass…

Sunday, November 24, 2013

i'm a coward...

there is a recurring theme in shakespeare's hamlet: failure to action and over thinking his course of actions spiral him further and further into his own thoughts and deep depression.

i feel like that when i see her. it's been a long time since i've felt like this. it's been a long time since i've been afflicted so seriously with an infatuation. i'm driving myself crazy… yes i find myself being attracted to women i meet or come across but not so much to this degree.  not so much to this level of anxiety and butterflies. she is MY TYPE to the very definition of my dna and fibre of my soul. it's easy to be attracted to someone's appearance but it's not easy to find a mind and heart that match so closely to your desire.. i don't know whats wrong with me… is it because i was hurt in the past? what is the reason i can't find the courage to just ask her out. i tried to force it out of me today and i had the perfect opportunity but at the last second i hid in my shell and before i knew it the chance passed. i find myself telling myself every week "this will be the day i finally do it and good or bad at least i'll have an answer…" but again and again i fail my own heart.

 i need to just nut up or shut up…  i'm tired of being alone. i'm tired of having nothing to look forward to.. i'm tired of my own cowardice. i'm tired of having no one to share my victories and defeats.

i feel like i'm in high school all over again.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such.
Henry Miller

Saturday, April 20, 2013


this is something i'm pretty proud of. i remember being really stoked after i finished putting it together. and then i decided to show my mom because i was that proud of myself(i've never shown her any video of my dancing before this..) and after watching it(and watching me run off to practise and disappear for long hours into the night and day at least once a week for the last 7 years...) all she said was "that looks like it hurts.." it's funny when we fall short of our parent's expectations. it doesn't matter if everyone in the world is stoked on you if your parents don't care it's worthless.


 as i'm becoming more sure of who i am and what i understand of the world i'm starting to be able to appreciate my self identity more and more. not to the point of ego(which is a pitfall of my previous youthful mindset...) but just a self happiness that i don't care what anyone thinks of me. i'm just happy. 

hope you enjoy it my creepy peeps
 love and respect


Thursday, April 18, 2013

to dust.

while i was on my way home a couple weeks ago the thought struck me: it's all in vain.  i was sitting on the skytrain looking out the window at all the lights and the buildings and construction. all i could think of was how fleeting everything is in the face of eternity. the human race is constantly pushing forward new technology new medicine new understandings. but how long does it last? how long does anything last? as i was looking at the buildings go by i felt a sudden pang in my heart. as large and sturdy as any building may appear they all have an expiry date. wether it be to replace the old with the new or to fulfill the need of an exponentially growing population... all things fade and become old and worn even concrete turns to dust. who decides what is worth saving and what is to be forgotten? at what point is something considered heritage and not garbage. i've often pondered the thought of being forgotten.

think about it like this. do you own anything that belonged to your grand parents? yes maybe? how about your grand parent's parents or their parent's parent's parents.. this is confusing.. i know that some families have heirlooms that go back many generations but my point is of all your possessions what will be around in a hundred years? of all your most precious possessions what will your grand children's children hold on to? and what will those things mean to them?

i don't know about you but i don't truly know anything personal about people who lived a thousand years ago all i know is they lived in a very different world than i do. we can get a glimpse into their lives through writing yes but can we ever actually feel what they felt exactly the same way they felt it? can you ever truly feel someone else's pain? you can put yourself in their shoes but you can't put yourself in their skin and live their life the way they live it. and so our everyday lives are just like shadows walking around caught in a endless cycle of greed and "progress" and "dog eat dog". we are a spec upon a spec upon a spec.. we forget that space and time are infinite and the drama in our minuscule lives will easily become dust in time. . .

humans are animals... we pretend like we're separate from nature... but we're just dressed up chimps acting as serious as possible. always separate... we incapsulate ourselves within castles, move around in bubbles, deeper and deeper into our own delusion that we are somehow superior to birds in the sky or beasts in the forest. that is why we believe it's our right to control things because we somehow believe we're all separate beings. we're all on this planet together! we're all animals too! your shit stinks just like mine. so why the need to feel superior or for that matter inferior. we all just want to be happy... pride and ego are a human invention. you ever see a gazelle grazing in grass and suddenly the gazelle is like "FUUUUCK YOU GRASS!!" no... the base nature of any animal is chill relax go with the flow look up at the clouds see that they're moving. if you're moving so fast through life you'll miss half the adventure when you move too fast you forget the clouds are moving you have to stop a second to stare at them and realize they are in fact moving.. stress and pressure turn us into the scary kind of animals the animals that hurt or hunt for fun or fight and kill for territory or a mate... we spend our lives constantly seeking approval from everything around us parents, siblings, friends, coworkers the opposite sex, our own gender.. everything is in the garnering of other people's social and economic approval why is it the last person we worry about being good enough for is ourselves. at the end of the day it's your life and you're the one who has to live it ev-ver-y-day. be the hero of your own story. nothing is ever too late to change or start or become. you can be whoever you want to be thats the beauty of this thing life.

every human should learn to not take themselves so seriously. just laugh at yourself once in a while.. know that you can't please everyone (not even yourself sometimes) just because you can go fast doesn't mean you know how to go slow.

ps. i'm realizing more and more just how many people find me repulsive in my thinking. lets sit down and have a chat. talk about life see where i'm at i'll see where you're at. we can be real with each other and debate/dialogue what it means to be a human on this planet. i'm not afraid to be stupid... lets understand each other.

love and respect

Wednesday, April 17, 2013


this is something i wrote for my tumblr followers but it's something i think about everyday. i deleted a sentence where i said "theres enough nerds in this world to pick up the slack." and months later i decided to take that part out because i felt like an asshole for calling smart hard working people nerds. i think when i wrote it i was feeling stressed out about my lack of  progress in life and lack of achievement. i think certain people are content with a life of monotony and thats perfectly fine for them. but if you're ignoring your creative talent...... thats a real shame. the world needs more dreamers less suit and tie serious faces. those serious faces are the ones tricking our youth in to wars they have no ideological fight in... if we had more free thinkers the world would be such a better place.

"When one man, for whatever reason, has the opportunity to lead an extraordinary life, he has no right to keep it to himself."
-Jacques Yves Cousteau

anyways before i go off on a crazy tangent here is what i wrote:


"if you want to accomplish anything in this world you NEED TO PUT IN WORK! there are too many whiny lazy people saying: “i’m too tired!” … “its been a long day!” … “i’ll do it tomorrow…” … until you are ready to work beyond your limit you will never discover the success you hope for. 
dreams don’t just fall out of the sky and into your lap. newsflash: working an 8 hour day at a dead end job is not putting in work, it is being responsible. but being responsible and taking control of your future are two different things. don’t get caught up in the way of thinking “it’s been a long hard day my job is done!” your job is done when you’re successful AND happy. overtime.. putting in work is working hard on the things you are passionate about: dance, art, music, fashion etc…  working hard at the things that hardly feel like work are the things worth working hard at haha..(if that makes sense) because you are passionate about it you will work harder at it and you will develop talent and excel. you need to ask yourself “am i average? or am imore?” if you are more then you need to prove it by working hard at what you love when no one is there, when no one is watching you, when no one is paying you, even when no one cares. because if you put in enough work and enough time and sweat and heart people will notice, opportunity will be there, and you will find your worth. i can’t guarantee it will be easy.. in fact i promise you it will be difficult. it will be difficult but it will be rewarding. and frankly if it’s not difficult you’re doing it wrong. you don’t want to wake up one day to a bullshit monotonous job that you hate.. wondering “what if i kept playing guitar?” .. “what if i kept drawing?” .. ” what if i kept dancing?” life is risk + talent + hard work + resilience = reward. 
pursue your passion not the paycheque.. "

edit: i should also clarify at the time i was trying to get my crew to get back into bboying and creative work and to stop making excuses about missing practises. this is not directed at any person in particular i'm trying to speak to a broad range. if it strikes a chord in you then perhaps instead of searching for more apologies in me search for answers within you.

love and respect