Thursday, December 18, 2014

i'm so tired of being alone.

in the immortal words of Al Green "i'm so tired of being alone" ... and i'm fucking sick of people who are in relationships giving me advice. if you don't remember what it's like being single don't tell me how to be. how to find love.. like just because you're in a relationship you're all of a sudden an expert on being a single bachelor. fuck that shit. i know friends are just trying to help. but to me in these sort of situations the best "help" a friend can give is: just listen.  i'm so tired of being alone. and now at my age i feel a longing for deeper relationships. none of these women are capable of fulfilling my heart's desires.... maybe i'm just not searching hard enough or maybe it stems from a low confidence or maybe i have a high standard? every women i come across seems to be overly damaged. i know that we all carry our baggage but i apparently either am attracted to or attract only fucking insane women. 

the one for me is out there and i know it. the woman of my dreams.. i'm not a misogynistic prick or a even an overly shallow man my needs are simple.. yet .. over and over again i make a misstep and pick someone entirely stupid or stubborn or self centred or illogical.. no one is perfect i am not delusional in this regard i just know what i want.  this person must be close to my dream because i intend to treat her as my Queen.. and far too often i've given the wrong women attention and worked too hard for a frivolous end. 

there are a lot of shitty bitter people out there. and lots of broken hearted women with their guards up. like we're all walking around with our fragile hearts all bandaged up putting on a show to appear stronger than we really are when in fact we're all just as scared to be broken again. so deeper and deeper the true heart that feels and believes in fairytales the true heart we're all born with gets put deeper into the pit of all our self doubts. like a bunch of little babies wearing grown up costumes.  
a ship is safe in a harbour.. but then again that's not what ships are for!! 

nobody wants to put their heart on the line and be real. always always i'm walking around meeting people wondering "what is your damage" ... i know my damage but being real is not it.. and i can't stand fake people. like how hard is it to just be yourself?! to just listen to your heart and speak up when something makes you angry! be sad when something makes you feel down... too many emotionally retarded people out there just put on the mask of happiness in all situations.  when someone is only ever happy that is just not real.. scientifically it's impossible. the chemicals in your brain that make you truly happy can not operate 24/7 if you were happy all day every day your brain would fry... that is why when i see someone who constantly pretends to be nice and happy i know they are fake. but if a person is both ying and yang sinner and saint lover and hater that is reality that is someone who's love for you is genuine and yes maybe they are always nice to you.. but it's because they in fact like you and your personality. 

who will save my soul (rhetorical: i will save my soul.) 

i'm just so tired of being alone. 

No comments: