a not so quiet afternoon's introspection

what am i doing?
i'm laying here.

why?
i don't know. i find i always do this. lay down and think about stuff. my a to z's of thought from God religion after life to classical literature to film to cartoons to the amount of beers i drank last night to allen ginsberg to mahatma gandhi to shelby to what ever happened to barney? to cars bikes motorcycles to girls to the girl i like to the girl i wish liked me to girls in general to why am i so lonely to why am i alone to why AM I ALONE! to how is it a decent kind considerate hard working/ i'd like to think at least a little bit attractive... guy like myself is without the mate i seek to am i radioactive to do girls not like nice guys? to how come 24 hour stores need locks? to is my head large to my head is large to is my butt big to my butt is big.

why are things in life so devastatingly sad...? when you're alone you are truly alone.





i'm laying here wishing there was somebody laying here next to me. so we could lay here together stare at my ceiling and think about all these weird things i'm thinking about... together..

i'm wishing i had someone to be mischievous with. a girl. a girlfriend. and we could do funny stuff like buy scarves at value village and wrap them around cold looking trees or cold looking garbage cans. or we could spend a day in walmart and play with lamps ride razor scooters eat candy kick soccer balls. or we could buy a bucket of rubber bouncy balls and throw them down the steepest hill in my neighborhood... but whatever thats just a thought.

whats happening?
i'm laying here. being lonely. waiting for the right person to walk in to my life.

what happened?
i broke someone's heart. then had my heart stomped a couple times.. what goes around comes around i guess.


"it's been long enough ryan it's time to get back out there..." is what they say. what?! out there?! are you crazy! i can't do that.. i've beeeeen out there.. out there is not kind.. out there is not fun.. out there is where i got my heart trampled on by crazy bitches.. i'm not going out there.. i'll stay right here. i'll lay right here. til the right one comes along and messages me on facebook or something.

i'll lay right here and maybe she'll lay right next to me. then i won't have to be alone. . .