making trails walking the road.

the road is long.
the road is narrow.
the road is difficult.
the road is so far from me.
the road is every waking moment.
the road is never giving up on anything.
the road is 100% integrity and zero compromise.
the road is working hard even if no one knows it, or cares.
the road may take you far away from your family and the ones you love.
the road is always there even when you're too tired to go on.
the road is unforgiving and treacherous.
the road cuts you deep, into your flesh.
the road seems endless.


the road is painful..


we all walk the road wether we like it or not.
on the road to character we may lose many pieces, but in ourselves we always find the new pieces
to the puzzle of our destiny.
the puzzle of our mind.
the puzzle of our heart...

every day we walk the road.
and everyday we find out who we are.

mmmmmmmmmmmm.

children full of life.

i've been looking for this documentary for probably about the past 5 to 6 years.... i finally found it!!!!
when i was in high school taking media arts my teacher Mr Byrne recommended watching the passionate eye on cbc. at that time i didn't really care about documentary film making or much of film making for that matter. i just knew i had some natural talent for it and i liked that i could get high marks. but one night flipping through channels on tv i came across the passionate eye on cbc and decided what the heck lets see what this weird show is about. this was the first episode i ever watched and it changed things for me forever.. it was the right episode to watch... i'll let you see what i saw when i was in grade 10 ...




this will blow you away.



watch all five parts you won't regret it.

hahahahahah pretty darned cute! sigh kids are great!

"This blog is open to invited readers only"

"It doesn't look like you have been invited to read this blog. If you think this is a mistake, you might want to contact the blog author and request an invitation."

i've never understood this... if what you are writing is so private why not write it in a journal? seems like the obvious choice to me. . . unless you have allowed a choice few friends to read your scandalous or overly personal entries.. in which case makes you a glorified attention whore. if you're going to write. write because it frees you. don't write because you want people to know your boohoo poor me problems. write because you enjoy the written word. don't write if you're some fake pretending to know extensive literature when in fact you just read what you quoted off another blog or worse yet a school textbook. write for the sake of writing not for anyone else but yourself.


end rant.

i bet this is the billionth time i've posted this...





well this is how i feel and this is the blog of a die hard al green fan so get over it.

a not so quiet afternoon's introspection

what am i doing?
i'm laying here.

why?
i don't know. i find i always do this. lay down and think about stuff. my a to z's of thought from God religion after life to classical literature to film to cartoons to the amount of beers i drank last night to allen ginsberg to mahatma gandhi to shelby to what ever happened to barney? to cars bikes motorcycles to girls to the girl i like to the girl i wish liked me to girls in general to why am i so lonely to why am i alone to why AM I ALONE! to how is it a decent kind considerate hard working/ i'd like to think at least a little bit attractive... guy like myself is without the mate i seek to am i radioactive to do girls not like nice guys? to how come 24 hour stores need locks? to is my head large to my head is large to is my butt big to my butt is big.

why are things in life so devastatingly sad...? when you're alone you are truly alone.





i'm laying here wishing there was somebody laying here next to me. so we could lay here together stare at my ceiling and think about all these weird things i'm thinking about... together..

i'm wishing i had someone to be mischievous with. a girl. a girlfriend. and we could do funny stuff like buy scarves at value village and wrap them around cold looking trees or cold looking garbage cans. or we could spend a day in walmart and play with lamps ride razor scooters eat candy kick soccer balls. or we could buy a bucket of rubber bouncy balls and throw them down the steepest hill in my neighborhood... but whatever thats just a thought.

whats happening?
i'm laying here. being lonely. waiting for the right person to walk in to my life.

what happened?
i broke someone's heart. then had my heart stomped a couple times.. what goes around comes around i guess.


"it's been long enough ryan it's time to get back out there..." is what they say. what?! out there?! are you crazy! i can't do that.. i've beeeeen out there.. out there is not kind.. out there is not fun.. out there is where i got my heart trampled on by crazy bitches.. i'm not going out there.. i'll stay right here. i'll lay right here. til the right one comes along and messages me on facebook or something.

i'll lay right here and maybe she'll lay right next to me. then i won't have to be alone. . .

of course!

this doc is killing me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the coolest thing i've ever seen.




“light.... light I think is knowledge. knowledge is love. love is freedom. freedom is energy. energy is all. without light, we can’t have images.”

the sound my heart makes in the silence of the night..

eyelashes fluttering on my cheek. your gentle breath in my ear. the squeeze of soft dainty hands in mine. a cold fall night looking at the ocean and the sparkle of the early stars in the sky. here is our story. all it ever was and all it ever will be. . .
condensed in that microcosm of that minute. that second. that instance where i gaze at you and you gaze at me.
and suddenly time freezes. we imagine. walks in the park, wearing big sweaters and blue jeans. i read you my favorite poems. you laugh at my quiet awkward inferences. we imagine. trips to pumpkin patches, leafy fields auburn trees, in bright spectrum of autumn. simple warm nights in december. teasing about christmas gifts. pillow fights and blankets wrapped tightly. vacations in Mediterranean sun. two adventurers with wonder and amazement in their eyes. we imagine. getting caught out in rain. summer rain. rain that blankets. rain thats inescapable. we are moody at first. but decide 'to hell with rain! to hell with trivialities!' we SPLASH! STOMP! KICK! puddles our private play ground. and your hair so wet, our clothes so heavy. we hold each other for warmth. your breath smells sweet like purple nerds. i brush the hair from your eyes. and we embrace... the first perfect moment of clarity. i love everything about you.. our cheeks blush crimson red in the steamy dew we kiss...

discovery. truth. defeat. pain. hurt. TRIUMPH! care. loyalty. warmth. passion... . . . .

LOVE.

but then here i am. back to my cruel reality where it's just me. just me and my day dreams. dreams that haunt my every waking moment. thinking why couldn't that be real. my heart so pale, so painful for longing for that kind of love...