another battle another breaking point..
i'm almost to the point of losing it. this time i was so close to not having a single mistake.
but in the first few seconds.. i tripped over myself.. and those fags in breakaholics made fun of me.
now all i can think of is those two dick heads mocking me over and over and over. i'm at my breaking point.
i'm so sick of this . i've been training a lot, mostly foundational steps. with this method i want to get all my foundation at least clean. once i get this i can move back to my abstract styles and steps . but I"M SO ENRAGED!! i have a lot to prove.
i guess it's back to the labs again for brian and i...


i will kill those guys..

RAW TALENT

so today is the day of my next battle. after my last debauchery i'd like to come in to this battle more confident. and with a new attitude. the last few battles i've been caught in a funk. and not in a good way. i have a great responsibility to myself! to prove i can do this. i trained just as hard as anyone else if not harder! so for tonight's battle i'm going to come out with new attitude and a stronger confidence.

anyways today brian chris and i will be having an adventure instead of janice :(
i quite look forward to it actually. first coquitlam centre. then downtown. then brian's house? i don't know exactly what we're doing today . . .?!

bridge to CRYMYFACEOFFTHIA!



so i was watching the bridge to terabithia. i was like aww this is nice. i hope my kids will be like this leslie kid shes cute.
so the movie kept going and i was like: i wonder what crazy adventure they'll have next? then... i was like no way, nu uh, no you diin't.. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! disney you evil bastards! thats no kids movie ! no one ever dies in kids movies! and if they do it would be the bad guy or grampa in his sleep NOT LIKE THIS!!! i could not believe it. now i know why elaina was crying in grade 5. needless to say this movie is depressing.. . . now i want to read the book . ugh. i gotta shake this feeling. maybe i'll watch a happy movie now. or read one of my non depressing novels. everything aside it was a very good movie if you're in to that depressing stuff. it's funny cause i remember they were marketing it as a narnia rip off. and that turned a lot of people off including me. but after watching it i can't really think of any other way to advertise it without giving away the story.. by the way if i spoiled it for anyone sorry.

RISK

so today slash last night janice, benson, kelvin and i played risk


long story short it took a while to get the rules straight , i got pwned . and kelvin dominated the world and we stayed up till 4 .
but on the other hand i got three people hooked on risk hahahaha ahaha MUHAHAHAHAHA!

today i woke up early for some reason.. i usually sleep in until 1 or 2 then ride to work at 4:30 .
but today is different i woke up at 9 which is early to me considering i only wake up that early once a week and thats for Jesus(not jr)

so anyway my plans for today are to pack a lunch, go out withdraw some cash, see my buddy tyler at superchamps.
ride to future shop and return a cd. then pick up a couple a packs of yo raps then tear into them like a crack head and a dime bag. then probably just head to work. all on my trusty steed.


update:

so i went to super champs to check up on my bag. turns out all they had left were the new ones i took me literally 20 minutes to decide what to do eventually i decided to get a new one. they're pretty neato theres only 25 in north america....

so i didn't get to get my yo raps since i forgot. instead, i picked up a bunch of tshirts for cheap for some reason anti social was getting rid of all it's tshirts for 30 for 3. anyways i rode to livestock to take a peep funny thing is cyrus saw the livestock sticker on my bike and he was so impressed he gave me a copy of the new livestock mix.

after that i met up with brian cause i knew his agenda to get alife. i bumped into mr rocket on the way there he was very cool despite the fact a week ago i kicked his balls.. brian and i chilled at tnt for a minute then off i went to work .

today was a strange day. not that my other days aren't like this, but today especially all the pieces fell right into place.

just finished watching superbad... all i can say is wow..


it was HILARIOUS. but absolutely a guy movie. i don't think i've laughed at a movie that hard since anchor man.
if you haven't watched it i'd recommend it. it's pretty crud but it's not half as bad as people say it is. and it is very underrated, i mean not enough people talk about it even though it was freakin hilarious. anyway i'm starting to babble if you haven't seen it go watch it nuff said.

just thought this was one of the dopest ideas ever

determined

today i grooved a bit on the way home. it felt good. suddenly everything clicked today. all my moves all the training . it struck me square in the face. it flowed and i could feel it different then usual it wasn't just one step repeated all my moves came out in perfect order. on the spot i layed down and endless freestyle of gold. but that was just top rock i need some space to footwork and hit that next level there too. think i have a ways to go but i feel confident that i'm nearly there
thanks God thanks friends for believing in me.


sometimes when a problem seems impossible and you're trying so hard to get it. stop. take a step back, and try less. you find the answer in no time.

everything is so depressing lately

it's like one thing after another. i feel like a piece of trash and i'm so frustrated. and it's not just bboying now. it's everything..

i mean my life is fine, everything is going fine. i just feel like i been hit with so many blows. one thing after another just killing me inside ya know. listen and see what you think.

on top of being so mad at myself for not improving. my friend is leaving our crew. which basically means we're done. the crew is done.. ouch. and just a today my one surviving goldfish somehow got stuck in the filter. and now it's just floating on the top barely alive but i can see that it's gills are moving . i think it's gonna die any minute. double ouch. i really feel like my church friends are becoming a lost cause. i guess living your entire life not knowing what it's like to make you're own choices to drink and party and swear, make you go a bit overboard when you see everyone else. triple ouch..

i feel like swearing i'm starting to not see why i should be such a boy scout when everyone else doesn't give a damn. why can't some japanese guy be worried about me and i go out and act recklessly and drink and swear and party and do whatever the heck i feel like. i don't know . it's all just so depressing to me i wish i could just go and say "f**k them all" but i don't remember the last time i've swore. and i know my pastor and my parents and my church friends aren't reading this. so nobody can say sorry ryan i'll try to be stronger. or don't give up ryan you're doing so great you don't even know. i'm all alone in this battle of morality and God and religion and life and death and self improvement.

i bet it sounds pretty dramatic at this point but come on lets be honest here you wouldn't be reading this if it weren't dramatic. what do i do? i don't know.. all i can do now is lay here and think. and meditate and pray .

right now i'm pissed off at my self .. i keep seeing my friends grow in bboying and they become stronger i can see their technique and their flavor but i look at my self and i feel it in me. i think every time before a battle "i'm gonna kill it this time" "this time i'm gonna stay calm and i'm gonna get some respect." but everytime my heart races and i fail to meet my standards. i try so hard to rise to my friend's levels but i can never catch their coat tails. today i am so pissed off because i was so close to breaking my curse of never passing prelims in a battle but i choked and i didn't lay my moves down how i did in practice. i have to start improving or else it will have all been a waste. all those days lying on the floor, back so sweaty, arms sore , lungs breathing heavy. those days that turned to nights that turned to days again. of on the edge or masochistic style training . they will have all been for nothing and my face and name will be forgotten. i can't have that . i worked too hard for this . put too much blood sweat and tears into this. i'm a bboy and i love hiphop i can't just forget it. i am a bboy i live it, i eat it, i dream it, i believe it. . . . cause hip hop ya don't stop and i can't and won't i'm just so pissed right now i need to hit my next level cause i'm tired of this failure stuff. God willing i'm gonna be remembered !

cool stuff.

sometimes i feel cool. this is one of those times. it's hard to explain

but check this photo of andre and big boy now those are some fly cats