Sunday, May 3, 2009

inner conflicts.

i feel a deep need to go somewhere and become lost in my thoughts and meditate. the inner conflicts of my mind and heart have pushed me to this edge. it feels a lot like they're both afraid to betray the other. my mind over flowing with what ifs why nots how comes, my heart with passions and pains. the melting of the mind and the dislocation of the heart calls for a definite sabbatical away from life away from work and away from people. people, who are the cause and effect of it all. people whom i love, whom i can't stand, people whom i'm afraid of, these are the things i need to get away from. my pastor said something interesting today, he said

"you expect a comfortable life as a christian?! jesus died on the cross he suffered for hours, days, his blood poured onto the floors!!! how can you expect your life to be comfortable?... you can expect living on this path of being a christian to always be uncomfortable, if you're living in the comfort zone your whole life... then you are not living a christian life my friend."

i guess my expectations for life were a bit too soft. living loving feeling is tough business. you need to work hard for every single inch you get or else you just slip and slide back down hill, and i don't want that! not for anything! if i'm going to fail at happiness then it's going to be because there is nothing else i can do about it, it's going to be because i tried my hardest but it just wasn't meant to be. people so often follow their minds over their hearts... somebodies gotta bring the love back nawmean ? hahaha
k thanks for reading creepers bye

1 comment:

Jay said...

stop calling your followers creeprs or we wont read your blog! Ya jerk! :)

there's been a lot of unsteadiness around me lately. Usually comes around spring time when our hormones get all riled up. Maybe it's just your old school instincts telling you springs around the corner and it's time to spend some time with some females :)