Wednesday, February 4, 2009

can you ever truly please anyone.

it seems a lot like no matter what i do i can never truly please everyone. it's like i'm always stepping on peoples toes or not living up to their expectations.

everyone is trying to push their outcome on me... no one actually stops to think about the crapstorm of my life. it feels a lot like every day is a frantic search for the next ONE. the next janice. when things fell apart a part of me definitely broke away and never really returned. and i know people are thinking "wtf this guy is such a flirt" or "what a tease.." things never used to be this way.. i can honestly catch myself doing this too and i'm just thinking in my head what-am-i-doing. but heres the deal, i am lonely. people don't even know that i stay at home on pretty much every night, play emo records, and look at old photographs of her. so the reality is wether it is a girl or guy giving me attention i will take it. i just don't want to be alone. ( this pain in my heart is funneled into emotions in my dancing. so if you see me with fire in my eyes don't be surprised to see a tear as well..)

and yet, people try to play match maker in my life while i am still in the fuct up state of mind. i'll tell you what i'll date everybody and anybody you want but until i'm back to being me. that person will only be getting 50% to 60% tops of me. because my heart is still formed into that perfect puzzle piece that i gave to 'her.' as far as dating goes i'm a firm believer in if you're in you damn well better be ALL in. otherwise why bother it's not fair to her and it's not fair to you. i'm so tired of stepping on everyones toes so maybe if i just stand still i won't hurt anyone..

people are wrong to think you have this dream group of friends that will never leave you and never betray you! friends are human too! and humans are flawed. you're a fool to rely heavily on what can never truly be perfect. the only things you can truly count on is the big man upstairs and what the little man in your heart tells you. don't put all your eggs into a broken basket.

if you don't know al green is now a pastor and this song is about God


MICAHMAE said...

i can say the same about you.
guess we're all hopeless romantics slash not good at this love shit, huh? haha.

thanks for creepin' ;)

joymoreno; said...

whoever said that
"being with someone new is the best
way to get over someone else"
i totally agree on that "ALL IN" thing. don't worry ryan.
We might still be recovering
from this brokenhearted bullshit
but seriously...
WE'LL GET THERE!!!!!!! lol.