Monday, November 17, 2008

the truth shall set you free.

it's time to tell the truth. i feel like it's been such a long time since i was honest with myself. i know who reads this and i have no problems sharing whats on my mind, frankly i don't care about putting my personal insights for others to read. i've been quite open with my whole process. to me it's odd that you read this janice. i knew you've been reading for a long time now even before we broke up. and in a way i resent that. i try to make one place where i can talk about my life without any weight of judgement on me from you. i don't involve myself in your life by choice. i don't even look at your facebook... i don't have any part in your life and thats fine by me, all that matters to me is that you're happy and safe. knowing those two things i don't care about anything else.

in the past month i've given a lot of thought to my life and many of my circumstance. my job, i hate. my school, i don't go to. my girlfriend, i broke up with. my conclusion is... i'm avoiding everything. i hate my job, it's so damn boring. i know all i have to do is quit and find a new job but i feel so discouraged when no one hires me.. it seems like everyday i tell myself to just apply to school. maybe i'm just lazy i think subconsciously i'm just avoiding complicating my life.

i ask myself everyday why things are the way they are. and to be honest i don't know or just don't remember. is it that i'm stubborn? all i can remember is getting yelled at first for telling someone stuff about you whom by the way i don't talk to and never told anything to..?!? and second for being weird. God i wish girls came with an instruction manual. what chain of events lead to this avoidance? it's been so long i don't even remember. who really is being the bigger person here? can either of us actually claim such a title? i think that all this internet jibber jabber is just that jibber jabber. when one of us swallows our pride picks up a phone and dials the others number then we will know who the bigger person really is. until then you can't really claim to be the bigger person. i know i'm not. look at me, resorting to this. man i wish guys didn't have to be the bigger person. . .

girls are messed up i hope my son turns out gay so i don't have to hear about all this junk.

3 comments:

vuudoo said...

LOL at the last sentence

Jay said...

I for one hope your son does not turn out gay, because when i have a daughter i'll let your boy take her out to a movie.

but tell him to keep his dick in his pants or else i'ma get my 20 guage.

:)

take it easy homes.

Anonymous said...

well im already helping you practise for that, so when your son asks you, you can just repeat what you said to me.

you just need direction i guess. going to school can give you that i think, because you now have a schedule again. and by getting used to that, you will adapt that to your life and ta da, your life has a goal and a finish line again.

im so smart arent i