Sunday, October 24, 2010

smeh

i've been thinking a lot lately. well, i always think a lot. 'lately' just sounded nice.
i've been thinking about my goals, my dreams, my aspirations, the people i've hurt, and the people who have hurt me.
i've been thinking about my plans. the things i want to do, the people i want to meet, the love i'd like to share.
i've been thinking about my savings, where i want to travel, who i'd like to travel with.
i've been thinking about the people closest to me, who they are, what they do, what they're thinking.
i've been thinking about the first moment you realize you love someone. the way you feel all warm inside, the way your chest becomes filled with hot static like theres a fire in there.
i've been so utterly alone it stings to think about. i miss the warmth of another human. the feel of cold clammy hands meeting for the first time. the gentle naps you take on a quiet afternoon. the sunny morning conversations you share over a nice cup of tea. the cozy movie nights where you snuggle and share popcorn. the windy adventures with your mitten hands around each other's shoulder.

my thoughts always seem to betray each other.
for instance; i know that even though a meaningful relationship is something my heart is starved for. the fact that i am yearning for a girl-friend is cause enough to say i am not ready for a girlfriend. when you run head long into your desires, is when you fail to see the banana peel on the floor... i will be the first to admit i am not one for great strategy or planning. when i want something i go for it thats all there is to it. i don't plan i don't scrutinize i don't play games i just follow what my heart tells me.







well this is an incomplete thought.

3 comments:

kathleen leanza said...

So relatable on all freakin' levels.
You will find her Ryan, no sweat (: !

Maria Nguyen said...

"the fact that i am yearning for a girl-friend is cause enough to say i am not ready for a girlfriend."

that's... incredible! i don't know what else to say. :)

vuudoo said...

how ironic, yet you're so good at strategizing in the game of risk.