masks

in life sometimes it's necessary for us to wear masks. becoming different people. we do this because we are afraid to not be accepted as we are, or for what we believe in. and don't tell me you don't do this cause everybody EVERYBODY! does.. think like this how you treat your parents as opposed to your friends or how you play a sport as opposed to how you live your life. people sometimes feel the need to be someone else and this is a dangerous thing. sometimes you can create a rift between the worlds almost like a tug of war between the people in your life and the influences. and you're in the centre everyone and every thing is pulling pulling and suddenly you're not in the center where you want to be, you're not anywhere... you're gone. very soon you find yourself lost behind a big ugly mask of who you truly are. my friend said something pretty profound the other day actually i don't think he even meant to say it on purpose. we were just talking about how a person can lose themselves and he was trying to think of an answer and all that came out was

"well... uh.. if you lose your self, you must not know yourself.."

i thought about it for a second then realized the vindication of that statement. only people who aren't grounded in who they truly are are in danger of losing themselves. but life is hard like that. especially at this age you're still trying to find out who you are. and the mold is not set . but if it can happen to me, it can happen to you.

it's hard for me to understand why it is people do this... wear masks i mean. people that are essentially good becoming something they aren't for sake of blending in. but since when was blending in such a good thing? like in grade 11 art my teacher gave us each a sheet of paper and asked us to fold it. everyone in the class folded it in half. and he had a genuinely sad and worried face on. and he said "this is where your generation and society are going. look at your papers." (everyone looks at their papers) "i didn't ask you to fold them in half. not even one of you folded adjacent corners or just a small piece. you all did it exactly the same."

and this brings me to my final point. when all the things pull us every which way and we begin to lose who we are that is when we all become the same ugly person. i don't know about you but i do not want to blend in and i do not want to fold my paper like yours or anyone to fold their paper like mine. don't listen to people who say you're doing it wrong. just listen to your heart. because in the end this will make all the difference to who you are.. then you will realize how many people wear masks.

intentions are effed.

it's so hard to understand people's intentions. good or bad, real or fake. i believe this to be one of mankind's fatal flaws. how different this world would be if everyone were just up front about their intentions and feelings.. i like you, i love you, i don't like you, i hate you... would it be a better place?

i love how this blog went from me talking about my life, to me talking about cool stuff, to me being the most emo kid ever, and now it's like the theologian's corner or something. hahahaha

anyways back to the topic at hand. the reason i'm thinking about this suddenly is i really wonder what people know of MY intentions and what the intentions of others are. mostly i worry about people thinking i'm fake. judging others by judging that they must be judging you. pretty messed up right? but it's something we do all the time. how do you know if people are judging you or not? this reminds me a lot of adaptation

this part at 3:22http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ryqQbI0iEw

when charlie is talking to donald about a girl in highschool. "you are what you love, not what loves you."

if life were that easy not to care what other people think. that would be great. but life is not that easy and theres always complications and miscommunications and people get into fights. i'm not a fake person... i love and hurt just like anyone else and i'd say this blog is as clear evidence of that as there is. but just because you know yourself to be a real person it doesn't stop other people from thinking you're fake. and there in lies my whole epiphany. what if people could just be upfront about their intentions. i like you, i love you etc etc you know that whole bit. so yea, what if people could or would do that, and had the freedom or feel free to state their intentions without being thought of as mentally handicapped. thats seems harsh but imagine the situation.

hey man i think you're really cool wanna be friends and then we can hang out and eventually become really good friends and then talk about our problems or just be tight like bros?

or

hey shoot girl i'm like so amazed how beautiful you are you wanna be friends for a pretty long time so then eventually i can ask you out and we can have weird names for each other and so i can hold you when you're sad or scared or cold.

like wtf NO! see you feel awkward just reading that. but my question is what would life be like if that could actually happen? would it be better or worse. think about it. and to anyone who reads this I'M NOT FAKE DAMN IT!

http://www.mediafire.com/?dejmm3tn1du

thank you for deleting me from your life, it feels great.

poetry poetry..

poetry used to be so easy for me to write.. now i don't know whats happened.. i've become some sort of block of stone. nothing is coming out of me.. i tried to express my feelings but it just comes out as corny garbage. i can't write like i used to.. somethings happened and it's made me so cynical about this world. or maybe it's just because i'm no in love. for whatever reason it is i'm just not feelin it. and i wish i could. poetry was one of my loves. but now it seems the drear of being older has sucked the life out of that too. looks like my only form of expression now is my dancing.