As i sit entombed in this prison of glass
four gray walls and four gray thoughts rise up to frighten me.

I am trapped with studies.
tamed by their endless labor
death of my soul to pale sickly air

Un ending torture to my spirit.
for here i sit before the mocking glass
to see all the beauty nature taunts.
the grass is green the flowers bloom
and yet here i sit
four gray walls

My heart wails to be free
chains of conscience does betray
my will to liberty

Death, death of my very essence!
the brake between
discipline and freedom
death of my vitality.
The gray becomes me, where does the gray begin?
I am the gray.

rainy day perspective.

i was looking for a picture to convey my feeling on this dismal day of gloom. my friend jolin took an interesting picture the other day. it was of a sunset, but a sunset on a rainy day. the clouds had formed a overcast blanket of grey'ish blob. but the sun popped up at the last few minutes of day light. it was like the sun was saying "hey you jerk lemme shine through! my peoples need me!" a truly beautiful sight if you had your eyes open. the sun illuminated the grey sky making it a golden yellow. the sky beamed much like a lamp shade, this in turn lit up everything in sight. the clearest light was on everything and while jolin was looking at the sun set i was looking at everything the sun was shinning on, brilliant. there was a fresh spray of rain on everything so all the buildings, cars, trees, everything was sparkling.. life contains such beauty. i took out my note pad and wrote this:

"sometimes you step out into the storm and amidst the rain and wind and misery that one perfect moment occurs.
you achieve clarity and the clouds seam to smile at you."

can we ever achieve the clarity we so desire? we're so bogged down by the crap of this world! there is so much negativity in this world. endless futile hatred.. jealousy.. sex sex sex where ever you look. and worst of all ego. we're all drowning in the vomit of society selling you empty wells. you take a sip from that well and you quickly find you're thirsty all over again. isn't it true? there can never be enough. once you do it the thrill is over your high wears off or your pride runs low.. you need a refill. i'm telling you now if you do drugs(ie pot, alcohol etc..) where does it all go? you're wasting your money on a substitute of a true good feeling. .. me? i don't waste my time with that stuff. there is a very real world beyond what you know. if you're too busy staring at the sun set you'll miss the bigger picture.

wanna know the truth? no frills no gimmicks?

God knows all the crap we go through EV-ER-Y DAY...
all the disappointments all the lies all the cheaters the haters the stealers
the time she broke your heart, the time he broke your heart. the time they made fun of you...
the pressure those idiots put on you.. to what? TO BE SOME THING YOU ARE NOT!
God knows the garbage you have to put up with don't be fooled for a second thinking you're all on your own in this world, in this life. He knows..

God longs to just hold you in his arms. you can't hear it but i can. hes saying...





just.. come.. home..






maybe this is your one perfect moment.

ugh.

i think most peoples perception of me is that i do not have trouble with relationships and concurrently do not have trouble with girls. well i don't know why people have this perception of me because it couldn't be further from the truth. i'm rather socially awkward and extremely timid. as for girls, well, there isn't much of anything going on there... when it comes to people i generally take a while to warm up to them before i feel comfortable enough to speak freely, and for girls... i probably have the maturity of a seventh grader.. i mean in the approach that is. socially awkward as they come folks. next to the definition of awkward in the dictionary is a picture of me with "urr...uhh.. umm... uh... urr.. uh..... uh... well.." under it. it doesn't help that all girls are fundamentally insane. i mean lets not kid ourselves here when i found out girls bleed out their baby makers once a month i was a bit traumatized as it is. all these years later not too much has changed. the female mind is probably the best argument to Newtonian law.. you know "every action has an equal and opposite re-action blah blah." yea right. there is just no clear answer to why they do what they do. see girls play games guys are too stupid to understand. i'm straight shooter, if there is something i want i go for it. so the female logic of playing games makes about as much sense as a butt hole on your elbow.

you think one day you're gonna wake up and you're gonna know. but you're WRONG! you see it in movies and tv and they all say when you find that 'one' the bells and whistles go off and you call this word 'fate' and it is good and it is destiny..
but sometimes.. fate is .. fate is creating a bridge of chance to the one you love.

we each have destinies i don't doubt that. some people wait far too long searching the skies for the fireworks to go off, when at your feet lay the flowers of yesterday. trains leave stations thats just how life goes.. if you don't hop on for the ride you just stay right there.

yup that about sums it up..

my weakness...