L.I.F.E

2011-11-24T23:06:00.001-08:00

truth.

2011-10-30T04:05:00.001-07:00

you kids are too young to remember this

2011-10-06T13:40:00.001-07:00

what i was thinking about all across canada.

sigh.....

2011-08-22T13:30:00.000-07:00

for people who don't know how to love.

the battles in life.

2011-08-01T03:32:00.000-07:00

we are constantly in conflict. even now as this very second passes and you are reading this.. we are fighting. the second we are born the battles begin. first for that very first breath of reality, we emerge from the womb struggling for life, each breath a vendetta against the very grasps of death. and so the battles go each second each minute that ticks by we provoke yet more and more challenges, each hour each day yet again more and more conflicts.

i think many people surmise that life is the "calm between the storm" i however interject that life IS the storm. the moments between battles are the moments you cease to relate to your existence.

it's sort of like how i see pain

pain is good. because pain tells you you are still alive, be glad you feel something.

battles, conflicts, fights, struggle call it whatever you want to call it, they form our very essence. as a bboy i carry this mentality of an everyday battle into everything i do. and the two things become intertwined to one. a dance, a art form a way of life.

consider this for a moment. when you dance when you battle without a mirror you are speaking truthfully from your soul. when there is a mirror in the room you are hearing the music but looking at yourself. the sound is entering your ears hitting your brain, the image is entering your eyes and hitting your brain, then a thought is formed and you are seeing yourself pretending to be a version of yourself that you would like to be. when there is no mirror and you are just hearing the music theres no thought phase just pure translation of sound. (this is why dance is the greatest at form. it is 100% creativity)

...

i totally just fell asleep while writing this i don't know why i'm still awake and don't know what i'm talking about anymore... hopefully this is somewhat enlightening?...

2011-08-01T03:31:00.000-07:00

close your eyes and expand your mind.

my needs met?

2011-07-27T15:16:00.000-07:00

i've always been a big predicator of the idea that your geographic position is not a factor of your mindset. i mean people are people no matter where they are... there is no reason you should act a certain way depending on where you plant your seeds. maybe it's just me but i've realized so many females in vancouver are wack with poo brain.. frankly i can not get my needs met by these women. maybe you are a woman and you are reading this and you're thinking "wtf is he talking about?!" but that just goes to prove you are in fact "one of them" your typical vancouver-girl .

if someone is born blind and you don't tell them they're blind. they'll just think they're normal.

let me tell you what i'm looking for and tell me if this is a common type of girl here.

looking for... . . . . .

young intelligent open minded attractive female.

a thoughtful thinker with understanding and compassionate mind.

NOT picky about race, eye colour, hair colour (although do have slight favouring for either asian [of any variety] or mediterranean brunette beauty. also a huge fan of freckles)

must be dog person, brownie points for dog and bird person.

MUST enjoy outdoors. regardless of weather conditions!

MUST be able to climb trees.

CANNOT be picky eater.

MUST LOVE movies!!!!!

active and perhaps semi athletic are a plus.

preferably someone who likes:
-wes anderson movies
-miles davis
-j dilla
-al green
-marvin gaye
-sam cooke
-big bowls of salad
-sunsets/sunrises
-vinyl
-jd salinger
-cormac mc carthy
-midnight bike rides
-surprises
-tribe called quest
-jean michel basquiat
-new york
-the taste of purple fruit loops
-mixtapes
-snuggles
-radiolab
-big L
-amelie
-and star gazing for hours.

now it wouldn't be fair of me if i stated a bunch of demands and didn't list a few of my positive (and negative) qualities. . .
i think no matter what i write this will come off as narcissistic... so i won't even put on the vail of disillusion.. sometimes i can be a narcissist /: however that is very rare. as i'm far too shy and introverted for that.

i'm a highly self conscious and am a perfectionist. critical thinking is probably my biggest asset and weakness.. as i will constantly over think a situation like "should i kiss her.. what if my breath stinks. what if she just wants to be friends. what if she slaps me! what if it grosses her out what if what if what if!!!!!" when it should just be "lean in and kiss her ya dummy..."

i am kind of intuitive.

i eat healthy . live healthy. ride a bike( but i can drive...) i love nature. i love interacting with nature. i am an expert tree climber. i can swim faster than the average human as i was a competitive swimmer for 15 years. there is a bag full of speedos somewhere to prove it.

it goes without saying that i am athletic and will always be athletic.

i enjoy exercising my brain as well. not academically speaking though. i spend much of my spare time reading and thinking about life's egocentricities. i think a lot of douche bags say that.. but i actually do read and i do enjoy critical thinking. i can tell you the last five books i've read and the days i started and finished them. . .

i have a very distinct taste in films. i'm highly knowledgable in the realm of film history.

adventure is key.
adventure is key in my life. life is for living and i take the idea of carpe diem to heart. fortune favours the bold.
i like riding my bike til i'm lost then finding my way home.
or just going until i can't go anymore.
swimming in lakes rivers oceans, trespassing into people's pools.
sucker for beautiful sunrises and sunsets. starry nights and autumn leaves. rain puddles to splash the shit out of.

i am also loyal, open minded, free spirited, and opinionated. blah blah blah. why are you still reading this..

let me know if you've got someone that fits the bill. because i've about had it with this city.

fuck you brendan.

2011-04-26T09:04:00.000-07:00

i've been thinking about this for a while and it pisses me off.

first a little background: this guy brendan lent me his bike when i went to toronto. to make a long story short i was a retard couldn't return his bike in time before i left for home and my friend had to return it for me. later i found out i had damaged his grip tape when i took a corner too sharp. needless to say brendan was angry. since then i've apologized numerous times and bought new grip tape which he refuses to accept... that toronto trip was a year ago and he still holds a grudge against me.

i guess this is fine. i mean i can accept the fact that he may never forgive me i can even accept that he will turn people against me.. what i can't accept is anyone calling me a spoiled brat! FUCK YOU IF YOU THINK I'M A SPOILED BRAT! what the fuck do you know about my life you shit brain.. because i live with my parents and grew up in burnaby i don't know anything about a hard life?... fuck you brendan.. i put two and two together, brendan the same guy who constantly tried to sell me his expensive bike frames like i have money... this retard thinks i live in the deep pockets of mommy and daddy-la and lay back all day and get a big fat allowance even into my twenties.. he thinks i'm like every other asian kid who gets a car when they get their license and hundred bucks for every "A" on my report card... fuck you brendan. i'm sure your life has been tougher than mine but don't fucking ride through my neighbourhood and suddenly think you know everything about my life!!!

yea sure i live with my parents.. but thats where the luxury ends. i pay for groceries i pay for everything i have i wash my shit i pay for everything!!!.. i've had a job since i was 11... if i have anything nice it's because i earned it with my blood my sweat and my tears. no one ever drove me to school .. i've always lived a mile away. when i was 7 that shit took me an hour each day.. in the rain and the snow.. i'd see kids walk to school with their older brothers or sisters or parents. don't fucking assume i'm like every other asian.... my dad fucking cuts grass for a living... my mom works at sears for fucks sake!!! how rich could i possibly be?!

i'm sorry i wrecked your grip tape i really am. i'm sorry i inconvenienced you for that month. i'm sorry i borrowed your bike at all.. if i could i'd let you throw my bike under a bus if it made you feel better. . .

if you can't forgive me thats your problem not mine! so don't fucking base your assumptions on my life of wether i live at home or not.. don't assume i'm pampered because the colour of my skin..

FUCK YOU BRENDAN!

It's time we put the guns away.

2011-03-18T05:15:00.000-07:00

2011-03-04T03:51:00.001-08:00

inspire.

2011-03-03T09:05:00.000-08:00

i wanted to compile a few clips of people that inspire me. they are interesting for a reason i'd suggest watching each.

self destruct.

2011-02-22T02:18:00.000-08:00

nothingness.
empty.
alone.
without meaning.

these are words that sum up the way i feel right now. when i look inward at the person i am i feel utterly lost. i look in the mirror and don't know whos looking back at me anymore. 5 years ago i could have answered any question about my future, any question of who i was. i look at myself now and don't know where i've gone. like one day my soul sat up and walked out on me. now all thats left is this empty shell. this part that i get up everyday to play is straight out of the pages of the catcher in the rye. i'm sitting here typing this with the bitter cold emptiness of my heart. i have no life lessons for you today just the strange remorse of someone who has lost themselves.

i feel like i've been searching for such a long time to find my heart. find where i left it, as if i'm on an epic quest to regain consciousness back in to reality, back in to the life i once lived. but it's hard, it's hard to find my way back, hard to retrace my steps back into happiness, back in to the life i'm supposed to be living.. i stand before the world a ghost, a figment, an apparition people don't know i'm hollow. it's almost as if i'm pricking my finger to feel something anything just to know i'm alive.

it feels like so long ago that i had some meaning in my life. i guess it's pretty shameful to try and extract meaning from life when you aren't even making an attempt to live. i'm sure there are people out there with none of the things that i long for that have perfectly normal lives. maybe thats just it, maybe i can't be normal. maybe normal is something i've set out to avoid from the moment my adolescent mind gained consciousness. i strive for more. strive to be more. so when the ambitious mind conflicts with the truthful heart we get the broken soul.... well .. here i am. on a monday night spilling my guts on regret and sadness, and unfulfilled goals. i should have seen it coming. should have known i'd try and self destruct when nothing important can stop me.

i need a reason to exist. call it what you want. but many things in our every day lives stop us from reflecting on our lives in such a dark manor. we all have our "meanings" do we not? i look at my life and find no reason..

a girlfriend. someone to love, or at least work towards loving, if you have a significant other you are lucky! you have someone to dote on, someone to call every night, someone who will call you every night, someone to argue with, someone to cherish, someone to care and worry about, someone to experience that microcosm of your life with.

a job. a stupid 9 to 5 grind, a crappy 9 dollar an hour, to invest minimal energy and sweat and perhaps bleed, to perform, to challenge to seek praise. and at the end of two weeks you get paid and your wallet is fat and you buy things. independence.

a class. a teacher, a lesson, a grade, classmates, something to work on to achieve to become, to be , to create, to prosper, while school seems like a shitty ordeal it is none the less an ordeal in which you derive sustenance... if you miss class... you will be missed, and perhaps you will miss it. .. .

my life is empty.... and i need to fill it with something. before the idle chatter of my heart corrupts me. i'm not this person. i'm not this drinking partying lazy do nothing person... i have aspirations, i have strength and creativity and i am different than most people.. thats a bit narcissistic.. i should believe in myself. but...

where do i go from here? ...

home alone...

2011-02-02T09:26:00.001-08:00

this will be interesting. . .

wait til i get my money right.

2011-02-01T23:20:00.000-08:00

some day there will be a day when i am where i want to be. there will be a day when i can stand firm in my knowledge and my wisdom because i will have lived through the storm and have battled all the battles to be had. i will be accomplished and stable in my profession and my life. i don't have much to say on this topic because i'm still working on it. i mean look at me there is no proof that i'm full of brilliant ideas even though i know i have them. i haven't put in any work to earn anything yet. YET!

Hard work without talent is a shame, but talent without hard work is a tragedy.

road test.

2011-01-24T09:51:00.000-08:00

i failed my road test..

i'm 23

i'm unemployed..

fuck...

...

dead man's bones.

2011-01-10T16:18:00.000-08:00

this looks really good. i'd like to see it. not many people know that ryan gosling is not just an actor hes also a pretty good musician. he recently made or did not make (however you want to look at it) a soundtrack to a movie that didn't get to final production. long story short i find his sound to be endearing and sincere.

really great music

the reason it's got an erie halloweenie look to it is because the movie was supposed to be a scary movie.

great!

now.

2011-01-02T03:26:00.000-08:00

the happiness of secular life is so fleeting. i find myself so bored of it all.

when you take a step back and you see how plainly linear everything is, life following everyone else's template just seems so trivial.

here you are living your life working your job getting an education dating eventually getting married settling down etc etc.. it's nice and all but the period to the sentence is death. and we're all so busy achieving this picturesque model of living we forget that we are all dying. we're all bound to die some day. day by day we are dying as if life is a disease and by the second it is eating away at our existence on this planet. have you ever thought about this ; do you know who your grand father's father was? what he was like, what his dreams were, what kind of father he was, what he achieved? if so how about his father? or the father of his father? i greatly doubt you can even conceptualize your great grand father's life.

if that is true we are talking about being forgotten within the next 100 years. and everything you've worked hard for, everything you've strived to become is little more than a breeze in the wind. dust. a few random particles of carbon resembling our dna. i'm so mystified at how well everyone runs from their fate. disillusioned thinking they'll live forever be remembered forever... it's just stupid to me. even if you are remembered someday what will it be for? a thought is like a butterfly, faint, flickering, fleeting and before you know it gone. and so if this all seems a bit overly doom and gloom for you let me get to my point.

you will never be as important as you are right now.

right now this second. as each breath passes through your body and you are reading this sentence you are as important as you will ever be! because right now is when you are the realest. right now is when you can be a part of someone's life, a part of many people's lives.. and not just a thought faint-flickering-fleeting. someone can say your name and you will be felt. an emotion! you can reach out and hold someone, touch someone. when the blood is warm in your veins THAT is when you are the most important you that you will ever be. you can work hard to becoming whatever it is you want to achieve but you will never get there until you realize what right now means to you..

remember when you die would you rather be surrounded by the people you've loved or be alone on top of mount everest. achievements are pointless without someone to recognize them. it is my contention that people are far more important than achievements.

i hate when people live their lives hiding from their shadow's.

if you aren't living you're dying..

close your eyes.

2010-12-22T15:57:00.001-08:00

L.I.F.E

well well well.

2010-12-19T21:18:00.001-08:00

strike while the iron is hot....

...

is a phrase that bares no meaning to me.. wtf am i doing?

productivity....

2010-12-09T17:22:00.001-08:00

i have none.

it's december 3rd 11:41 pm :

2010-12-03T23:39:00.000-08:00

i've been pretty lazy lately haven't i... well i'll change that. going to clean my room and take care of a couple things. . back in a couple hours with something that i hope you'll enjoy.

making trails walking the road.

2010-11-28T20:44:00.000-08:00

the road is long.
the road is narrow.
the road is difficult.
the road is so far from me.
the road is every waking moment.
the road is never giving up on anything.
the road is 100% integrity and zero compromise.
the road is working hard even if no one knows it, or cares.
the road may take you far away from your family and the ones you love.
the road is always there even when you're too tired to go on.
the road is unforgiving and treacherous.
the road cuts you deep, into your flesh.
the road seems endless.

the road is painful..

we all walk the road wether we like it or not.
on the road to character we may lose many pieces, but in ourselves we always find the new pieces
to the puzzle of our destiny.
the puzzle of our mind.
the puzzle of our heart...

every day we walk the road.
and everyday we find out who we are.

mmmmmmmmmmmm.

2010-11-28T20:37:00.001-08:00

children full of life.

2010-11-27T00:49:00.000-08:00

i've been looking for this documentary for probably about the past 5 to 6 years.... i finally found it!!!!
when i was in high school taking media arts my teacher Mr Byrne recommended watching the passionate eye on cbc. at that time i didn't really care about documentary film making or much of film making for that matter. i just knew i had some natural talent for it and i liked that i could get high marks. but one night flipping through channels on tv i came across the passionate eye on cbc and decided what the heck lets see what this weird show is about. this was the first episode i ever watched and it changed things for me forever.. it was the right episode to watch... i'll let you see what i saw when i was in grade 10 ...

this will blow you away.

watch all five parts you won't regret it.

2010-11-26T23:10:00.000-08:00

hahahahahah pretty darned cute! sigh kids are great!

"This blog is open to invited readers only"

2010-11-15T00:31:00.000-08:00

"It doesn't look like you have been invited to read this blog. If you think this is a mistake, you might want to contact the blog author and request an invitation."

i've never understood this... if what you are writing is so private why not write it in a journal? seems like the obvious choice to me. . . unless you have allowed a choice few friends to read your scandalous or overly personal entries.. in which case makes you a glorified attention whore. if you're going to write. write because it frees you. don't write because you want people to know your boohoo poor me problems. write because you enjoy the written word. don't write if you're some fake pretending to know extensive literature when in fact you just read what you quoted off another blog or worse yet a school textbook. write for the sake of writing not for anyone else but yourself.

end rant.

2010-11-13T17:49:00.000-08:00

i bet this is the billionth time i've posted this...

well this is how i feel and this is the blog of a die hard al green fan so get over it.

a not so quiet afternoon's introspection

2010-11-13T13:02:00.000-08:00

what am i doing?
i'm laying here.

why?
i don't know. i find i always do this. lay down and think about stuff. my a to z's of thought from God religion after life to classical literature to film to cartoons to the amount of beers i drank last night to allen ginsberg to mahatma gandhi to shelby to what ever happened to barney? to cars bikes motorcycles to girls to the girl i like to the girl i wish liked me to girls in general to why am i so lonely to why am i alone to why AM I ALONE! to how is it a decent kind considerate hard working/ i'd like to think at least a little bit attractive... guy like myself is without the mate i seek to am i radioactive to do girls not like nice guys? to how come 24 hour stores need locks? to is my head large to my head is large to is my butt big to my butt is big.

why are things in life so devastatingly sad...? when you're alone you are truly alone.

i'm laying here wishing there was somebody laying here next to me. so we could lay here together stare at my ceiling and think about all these weird things i'm thinking about... together..

i'm wishing i had someone to be mischievous with. a girl. a girlfriend. and we could do funny stuff like buy scarves at value village and wrap them around cold looking trees or cold looking garbage cans. or we could spend a day in walmart and play with lamps ride razor scooters eat candy kick soccer balls. or we could buy a bucket of rubber bouncy balls and throw them down the steepest hill in my neighborhood... but whatever thats just a thought.

whats happening?
i'm laying here. being lonely. waiting for the right person to walk in to my life.

what happened?
i broke someone's heart. then had my heart stomped a couple times.. what goes around comes around i guess.

"it's been long enough ryan it's time to get back out there..." is what they say. what?! out there?! are you crazy! i can't do that.. i've beeeeen out there.. out there is not kind.. out there is not fun.. out there is where i got my heart trampled on by crazy bitches.. i'm not going out there.. i'll stay right here. i'll lay right here. til the right one comes along and messages me on facebook or something.

i'll lay right here and maybe she'll lay right next to me. then i won't have to be alone. . .

2010-11-11T16:20:00.000-08:00

of course!

2010-11-07T13:58:00.000-08:00

this doc is killing me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the coolest thing i've ever seen.

“light.... light I think is knowledge. knowledge is love. love is freedom. freedom is energy. energy is all. without light, we can’t have images.”

the sound my heart makes in the silence of the night..

2010-11-01T00:29:00.000-07:00

eyelashes fluttering on my cheek. your gentle breath in my ear. the squeeze of soft dainty hands in mine. a cold fall night looking at the ocean and the sparkle of the early stars in the sky. here is our story. all it ever was and all it ever will be. . .
condensed in that microcosm of that minute. that second. that instance where i gaze at you and you gaze at me.
and suddenly time freezes. we imagine. walks in the park, wearing big sweaters and blue jeans. i read you my favorite poems. you laugh at my quiet awkward inferences. we imagine. trips to pumpkin patches, leafy fields auburn trees, in bright spectrum of autumn. simple warm nights in december. teasing about christmas gifts. pillow fights and blankets wrapped tightly. vacations in Mediterranean sun. two adventurers with wonder and amazement in their eyes. we imagine. getting caught out in rain. summer rain. rain that blankets. rain thats inescapable. we are moody at first. but decide 'to hell with rain! to hell with trivialities!' we SPLASH! STOMP! KICK! puddles our private play ground. and your hair so wet, our clothes so heavy. we hold each other for warmth. your breath smells sweet like purple nerds. i brush the hair from your eyes. and we embrace... the first perfect moment of clarity. i love everything about you.. our cheeks blush crimson red in the steamy dew we kiss...

discovery. truth. defeat. pain. hurt. TRIUMPH! care. loyalty. warmth. passion... . . . .

LOVE.

but then here i am. back to my cruel reality where it's just me. just me and my day dreams. dreams that haunt my every waking moment. thinking why couldn't that be real. my heart so pale, so painful for longing for that kind of love...

by the master

2010-10-30T22:45:00.000-07:00

true stroke of genius and beauty.

sigh....

2010-10-27T00:59:00.000-07:00

i'm in dire need of a vacation!!!!!!!!!

i would really like to write something bigger than a paragraph!!! but i just don't have the time or brain power right now. it seems like by the time i get home from work it's almost 11 and by that time all i have time for is eating a snack and falling asleep.. /:

smeh

2010-10-24T01:15:00.000-07:00

i've been thinking a lot lately. well, i always think a lot. 'lately' just sounded nice.
i've been thinking about my goals, my dreams, my aspirations, the people i've hurt, and the people who have hurt me.
i've been thinking about my plans. the things i want to do, the people i want to meet, the love i'd like to share.
i've been thinking about my savings, where i want to travel, who i'd like to travel with.
i've been thinking about the people closest to me, who they are, what they do, what they're thinking.
i've been thinking about the first moment you realize you love someone. the way you feel all warm inside, the way your chest becomes filled with hot static like theres a fire in there.
i've been so utterly alone it stings to think about. i miss the warmth of another human. the feel of cold clammy hands meeting for the first time. the gentle naps you take on a quiet afternoon. the sunny morning conversations you share over a nice cup of tea. the cozy movie nights where you snuggle and share popcorn. the windy adventures with your mitten hands around each other's shoulder.

my thoughts always seem to betray each other.
for instance; i know that even though a meaningful relationship is something my heart is starved for. the fact that i am yearning for a girl-friend is cause enough to say i am not ready for a girlfriend. when you run head long into your desires, is when you fail to see the banana peel on the floor... i will be the first to admit i am not one for great strategy or planning. when i want something i go for it thats all there is to it. i don't plan i don't scrutinize i don't play games i just follow what my heart tells me.

well this is an incomplete thought.

blind test.

2010-10-23T14:51:00.000-07:00

'Be Kind Rewind' Blind Test en Yahoo! Video

"maybe i should give you a blind test.."

with her went my future.

2010-10-22T01:03:00.000-07:00

"everyone knows a man ain't suppose to cry... Listen! i gotta cry! cause cryin eases the pain."

sucker for love.

2010-10-19T23:31:00.000-07:00

am i cursed to live with my heart on my sleeve?!

2010-10-17T12:25:00.001-07:00

they make a pretty solid argument.

2010-10-17T12:08:00.001-07:00

2010-10-17T11:10:00.001-07:00

i thought this was pretty cool.

the box.

2010-10-16T11:22:00.000-07:00

a small excerpt from my thoughts notepad:

"they cherish their lovers as you cherish your box.. as the remnants of what remains of your love life floats away from you...

...

some stand waiting for love to happen. stranded. waiting for some divine wind to blow in their romeo, their juliet. imagine that... as if on a breeze a puff of cloud your dream blew in on a silver plater. some are oblivious to this and stand there and continue to wait asking "where is he?" "where is she?" you silly fool! you wait too long and your chance is gone! fate gives you but one chance to take hold of the reins and if you miss it ... well. you miss it. so many friends so many acquaintances. yet you remain alone. not even the thought of a promise to comfort. but the BOX! the box remains! that thread, that stitch, that remainder of hope in your humanity you have left.."

2010-10-11T03:03:00.000-07:00

i think this is next on my watch list... it seems more relevant to me than just sleeplessness.

poetry and me..

2010-10-09T02:23:00.000-07:00

i posted that poem to explain a theory i have about relationships. but reading it i can only look back at it fondly. thinking about the way i felt and the things that were happening in my life. there are many regrets i have but i can't take back those memories nor would i for that matter. love is not for the faint of heart. and if you're not willing to feel every ache and moan of the heart then don't bother getting involved in anything other than a fling.

i just look back nostalgically. wishing i could write poetry as well as i could back then. . . .

sigh.

ps. please don't think of me as over self indulged for posting that (i don't remember if i posted it twice...)

2010-10-09T02:14:00.000-07:00

what more could be said?

that i have not already told you.

And these few moments I atone a lifetime lost.

What on this day holds greater then others?

but

that four letter word love.

oh ! she is elusive i know that much.

and these lines too serve little permanence.

because sweet and perfect things fade.

and the glory forgotten.

will there be a memory of your beauty?

flowers are a testament to the

fragile souls within our bodies.

just as easily wither away.

and their tender petals soft, wilt.

they guard their gentle hearts.

fear the scorns future holds.

you naive flowers.

no rose will last forever.

everyone knows beauty is temporary .

love is eternal.

to hold a promise is to hold a thousand dreams in your palm and to hold true is to protect them forever.

2010-10-07T12:03:00.000-07:00

i was right about this one...

there was something very special about this film

watch it! or borrow it from me.

2010-10-04T03:13:00.000-07:00

something new tomorrow. just be patient...

2010-10-04T02:45:00.000-07:00

i've heard this is great! i guess i'd better watch it then

really i think it's impossible to go wrong with anything by hayao miyazaki..

2010-10-03T16:23:00.001-07:00

2010-10-03T16:05:00.000-07:00

if you haven't seen amelie i truly feel sorry for you.. .

my baby!!

2010-09-29T01:00:00.000-07:00

thanks brian <3 <3 <3

my new baby!!! can't wait to make some films!!!!! like this

except better.

MAX STOKAGE! FULL STEAM AHEAD!!!!!

2010-09-28T20:35:00.000-07:00

this is also easily one of my favorite movies

so heartwarming.

of haters and lovers.

2010-09-25T23:29:00.000-07:00

dreams.

we all have them. in the metaphysical as well as the desires. i think every human has an ambition. a great goal to become something they've always longed to become, to go somewhere they've always wanted to go. as we grow from infants to children to adults there seems to be that one wish our hearts can not relinquish. and for good reason! if nothing else this brief ripple in time we call life is but a journey to that end goal. to become a pilot, to become an astronaut, to climb the highest mountain, to brave the longest quest, because as a child you see a problem and you see an answer you don't see all the complications adults see, you are naive and not cynical. children see homeless people: "why don't they have homes?" children see wars:"why don't they stop fighting.." no one can do that:"why not.." there is a great beauty in that. great beauty in the pure and simple logic of belief.

but as we age we become aware of all the 'what-ifs' and complications and the voices begin to turn against you. the thoughts in your heart become words of negativity and pessimism. you forget what it's like to be a kid. forget the wishes in your heart. one day you find out there is no santa clause, no easter bunny, no tooth fairy and suddenly the world is a cold and lonely place. cynicism is one of the things i hate most in people. like "what... you forgot how to dream?! whats wrong with you!..."

dreams are important. to dream a dream for your future, is to walk down a long and difficult path to reach green pastures. although our dreams may change as we grow we always keep them safe, keep them close. because everyone loves something! everyone is passionate about what they pursue! that is why you pursue it! we all have dreams i've established that right?
dreams that we can only hope come true, and we toil away day and night, night and day through hardships and hard falls. we get back up and keep pushing onward to be what we want to be go where we want to go. everyone loves something, yet it's always what you love that someone has to hate.

hate is also a part of growing up. when you move through life and so many of your dreams shatter before you, you learn to hate. you start letting everyone know how difficult things in reality are. how painful life can be. and as if your dream meant nothing you give up and follow a different path. one that perhaps everyone follows and is less strain less work less fruitful. we learn gradually how to hate. people always have to shit on your dreams. lifes not like being a kid anymore. eventually all those negative thoughts and voices unify to tell you nothing is possible and nobody can do that... the world is full of haters, so few dreamers ever survive to adulthood. there are many factors to blame for this. too many to list. and that my friends is a depressing notion. an endless list of heart poisoning dream killing factors.

BUT all is not lost. in fact there is no time for doom and gloom. and i'll tell you why. once you become enlightened to this ravenous plague you can do something about it! you can change the world! nothing is ever truly over, nothing is ever passed the point of no return. all you've got to do is start believing again! don't lose your dreams. NEVER LOSE YOUR DREAMS* dreams are the most important thing in life. a wise man once told me "no [one] can live without passion" i believe this fully. if you start believing again you can undo the damage you may have done in pessimism. believe in yourself! believe in all others! and always nurture and cradle the the dreams of children because one day they will grow up to be our future! you'll be glad you did it. glad you sheltered those beautiful dreams. i'm glad for those that ignore the hatred of the world. you know someone said "i want to fly" and everyone said it was impossible. but the wright brothers didn't listen and because they held on to that dream we have airplanes jets flight. impossible is a word that should not exist. because nothing is impossible belief is the key to all dreams. believe that you can do anything and you will see what i mean.

"he who says he can and he who says he can't are both usually right."

never give up.

ps. it took me a couple days to think of and write this.. so don't be angry i didn't break my promise, it just took a while.

2010-09-25T20:35:00.000-07:00

this was amazing...

2010-09-24T01:48:00.001-07:00

i really can't think of anything tonight..

2010-09-22T23:00:00.000-07:00

i promise to write something tomorrow!!!!

2010-07-27T01:53:00.000-07:00

2010-07-20T00:19:00.001-07:00

lonely in a room full of people. everything seems to be lackluster in this world without someone to share it with.

on that RAW ish.

2010-07-13T20:54:00.001-07:00

Raw Cream - Episode I from TheFarLeftTV on Vimeo.

2010-04-29T02:35:00.000-07:00

.... feels about right .

sweet redemption

2010-04-28T10:14:00.000-07:00

it feels SOOOO GOOD!

i feel like this has been a long time coming. i knew i didn't deserve to be treated that way.. by anyone!
my mental state of mind was so off for a long time. i apologize for that immature post about "the best way to get over a girl..."
i was sort of just in this place of denial and pain. the things i endured put my logic into a blender and that was the end result. crazy ryan..

heres the thing.. the last few girls i was seeing were nucking futs! i put my all and invested my heart only to be abandoned with not even the slightest explanation. like "oh he'll understand.." and it's crazy some sort of memo must have gone out cause it wasn't just one girl that did that to me it was many.... like do i have a sign on my back or something. wtf. all those girls whom i deem a disgrace to their gender made me doubt myself. made me doubt who i was and killed what little confidence and self esteem i had. you don't treat someone like that. it was one of the worst parts of my life thus far. imagine building up to what seemed like a great relationship, investing a lot of yourself, your feelings, your thoughts, your energy, your time, only to be deserted there. and there you are just wondering wtf happened. do you know what kind of stuff that does to your brain? your heart?!!

i was made to feel inadequate, unattractive, unwanted... i deeply questioned what was wrong with ME?... but it was the wrong question. it was wtf was wrong with THEM!... cause now i know there IS nothing wrong with me. i'm just a regular guy. but a regular guy who a couple girls thought it would be fun to play games with... at the detriment of my own soul.

see i've met someone, and shes great! and it wasn't until being with her, and talking with her, chilling with her, that i realized there is nothing wrong with me at all.. it was all them. normal girls don't behave that way asking "why do you like me?" or "where is this going" just anything to make you question yourself. anyways none of that matters now. i'm happy with my life, happy with her! she makes me happy, and she makes me feel good about myself, and for a change she actually knows what SHE wants. smart, funny, SUPER intelligent, interesting, and beautiful!

finally i met a real girl. finally i have my redemption... .

where is my mind these days?

2010-04-03T03:19:00.000-07:00

i sure don't know.

no take backs only take forwards!

i don't have much of an explanation for my behavior or mental state. nor do i feel obligated to provide one. all i can say truly is i am lost and desperately need to be found. . . . new tumblr thing recent endeavor if you can call it that. check for bits and bobs there now and then mostly just my flicks.

thanks for your concern.

2010-02-25T11:42:00.000-08:00

what a profoundly emo post...

this is my anthem right now...

2010-02-22T11:53:00.000-08:00

wishing people would understand when i am in pain..

2010-02-21T02:50:00.000-08:00

word up miles davis word up...

prelude to a kiss

2010-02-18T02:06:00.000-08:00

this song has been killing me! but you probably won't get it. the sound, the feel, the whole esthetic just quenches my thirst for sounds. hopefully you can appreciate it regardless of your love of jazz or not.

prelude to a kiss

2010-02-16T01:44:00.000-08:00

A Drinking Song

Wine comes in at the mouth
And love comes in at the eye;
That’s all we shall know for truth
Before we grow old and die.
I lift the glass to my mouth, 5
I look at you, and I sigh.

- W.B. Yeats

the summation of my year ( at last ).

2010-01-18T01:42:00.000-08:00

it has been a strange year for me. so many changes so many new things, and yet i almost feel i've done nothing of lasting importance. it's almost as if i turned on auto pilot for this year and just let it go by. i'm trying to think of some sort of profound change or amazing breath taking scene that occurred in the last three hundred and sixty five days, but theres nothing. truthfully i have made some new friendships and grown closer to a choice few but where does that leave me? a couple digits higher on facebook, great..... what it boils down to i guess is if there were a highlight reel of my life of the past year what would be on it. i imagine myself watching it and not being proud of a single moment. not because i've done despicable things, but because i feel i've accomplished so little.. maybe that is why i've avoided writing this for so long. maybe i'm just being overly critical of my life. the one thing that seems to elude me is a meaningful relationship. (of the female variety..)

it's been over a year since i broke up with you know who(not voldemort) and probably also a year since we've talked. i can not say for certain why this is. it could be my guilt, it could be her guilt. it could be both of our guilt and the things that transpired. whatever the reason for two people who were together for something like 5 years of our teenage and partly post teenage lives we certainly know how to avoid each other. which is by no means a easy thing. being that she lives just two blocks away and i'm sure we use the same skytrain. well hopefully her new boyfriend treats her the way she deserves.

me? do i feel guilty? of course i feel guilty. if anyone asks me what went wrong i don't deny i turned into a flaming asshole.. something and someone i am not.

flash forward to today. and yes i feel guilty not for what happened between her and i but just the whole situation in general. an irritating question has been plaguing my mind day in and day out. is it really better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all? do i rest easy in knowing the feeling of true love, or does it bane my existence? knowing the feeling and being without it. maybe shakespeare never had to worry about the next relationship. the sad truth is sometimes i curl up with a pillow next to me hoping for that warmth you can only get from a human being. not just any human, a girl, and not just any girl, a girl that loves you. because none of the variations without all of the above will be quite as relaxing to your mind and body. thats not all i miss..

i miss staying home on a saturday night just watching movies and eating popcorn.

i miss seeing photo booths as opportunities rather than reminders.

i miss dates.

i miss making the best of crappy situations.

i miss being someone's protector.

i miss having someone to call everyday.

i miss making mix tapes.

i miss...

i miss a lot of things..

...

you know.. well maybe you don't know. but sometimes i just feel really lonely. when i get like that i either break edge hard and go off the deep end just trying to numb the feeling, or i turn off the world and stick to myself hiding my misery. it's pretty stupid to not face my demons i know this... what is there to say about self destruction really? somebody save me?

but i digress this is supposed to be a summation. i can't really say anything i have not already gloated about earlier on this blog. new dance achievements new friends new jobs blah blah blah. i guess it was just an excuse to vent on my relationship issues. by the way i realize this blog has become what i hate: one of those stupid artsy hipster blogs with single pictures with vague descriptions and songs with no explanation.. for that i have no excuse but sheer laziness. well i'll get back to the real grit of my so called life you sickos love so much. don't be afraid to comment i'd appreciate input.

2010-01-17T16:52:00.000-08:00

this reminds me of happy summer bike ride days.

my internet has been craaaaaazy slow lately something is up. and that reminds me of the days of dial up.

2010-01-11T13:12:00.000-08:00

favorite halfer of all time.

2010-01-10T14:05:00.001-08:00

yea that about sums it up.

...

2010-01-09T11:07:00.000-08:00

can't find love anywhere these days..

summation of my year.

2010-01-01T22:20:00.000-08:00

will have to wait til tomorrow..

2009-12-24T15:35:00.001-08:00

i don't even care what haters say!

2009-12-17T03:11:00.000-08:00

2009-12-14T04:04:00.001-08:00

2009-12-14T04:01:00.001-08:00

2009-12-13T17:10:00.001-08:00

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat... !

2009-12-11T15:09:00.001-08:00

2009-12-10T15:55:00.000-08:00

make your own inference on whatever. boys grow up to be men, girls grow up to be women and we all play the same games over and over again.

2009-12-10T01:02:00.001-08:00

like most things to me photography is only fun because i don't take it seriously.

2009-12-09T22:01:00.001-08:00

bad taste.

2009-12-08T01:37:00.000-08:00

you ever put your foot in your mouth? find yourself regretting what you've said?
recently this has been happening to me a lot. wether it is to do with my attitude changing or my brain weakening it seams all i ever do now is put my foot in my mouth. man that tastes bad.. i'm naturally an awkward person but this is getting way out of hand. i'm wondering though is it that i'm saying stupid things.. or is it that i lack the conviction to hold fast to my words. i keep mentioning things then suddenly moments later reject my own statement. is this a sign of losing confidence or a sign of loosing brain cells? foot your proper place is not within my mouth..

whats new

2009-12-01T00:45:00.000-08:00

whenever i hear that question my heart jolts a bit. i get a brain fart draw a blank then reply a "well-a. . . um.. not much?"
truth is often times when i am posed this question the events or lack there of would be a bit bland to regale. i'm not like some merchant marine or world traveler with billions of wild stories to tell. the bitter truth is besides the steady pace at which i simultaneously read five books little else actually happens to me. so what do you want me to say to you? that since the last time we spoke it is likely i read 20 books? watched 20 movies? i hate getting caught out in public with a book in my hands. cause what happens is some idiot will ask you what it's about and you are then forced to paraphrase the 20 to 30 odd chapters you have just read.. yea it's okay once but trust me if you keep that little pulpy bastard in your hands all day i guarantee you'll be asked that same damned question at least twice more. all i want to do is read in peace!!!

rant said and done. what IS new?
i'll begin with i'm now twenty two. TWO! time sure flies.. paths diverge, paths converge... i don't feel any different then i used to not any smarter or any wiser. heres a little fun fact until you're well passed the age of 25 your frontal lobe(thats right of your brain genius) is not fully grown. no matter how much you'd like to argue with an adult and you feel that conviction of your stupid little adolescent heart that you are right and they are all wrong.. guess what. your brain is not fully developed the connections are not traveling at 100% speed so what does that mean for you kids? it means not matter how much you THINK you're right it's more than likely that you're not seeing all the angles there are to your argument. trust me when you get a bit older you'll understand why you're so stupid. until then try to be a bit more humble.

but i digress by now my random spurts of knowledge have weeded out the skimmers and passers by and what are left are the few sick and twisted creepers of my... jk jk we're all secretly creepers anyways.

besides becoming double eleven, i won a battle! mind you it was a stupid halloween battle and i basically only had to battle my friends. but it is a milestone in my life as a dancer. roughly 2 years ago i told myself if i don't win a battle before i'm 22 i'm quitting bboying thats that. so imagine my joy to have accomplished what i had set out to do 2 whole years ago. bboy life is good. i've been recruited to the soul felons probably one of my biggest inspirations in vancouver period. and recently went to the semi finals in a crew battle with the crew that earl and i created. hard work is paying off. i got a new job they are giving me a ton of hours and tons of free clothes blah blah blah etc etc this whole blog i sense is becoming a tad over indulgent for my liking so i'm just going to abruptly pull the plug right here.....
. . .

.

the UGLY truth.

2009-11-30T01:40:00.001-08:00

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband on the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

credit: TheCollective00 on digg

lessons on love.

2009-11-20T01:45:00.000-08:00

found my moment of clarity

2009-11-04T03:49:00.001-08:00

2009-10-21T00:21:00.000-07:00

As i sit entombed in this prison of glass
four gray walls and four gray thoughts rise up to frighten me.

I am trapped with studies.
tamed by their endless labor
death of my soul to pale sickly air

Un ending torture to my spirit.
for here i sit before the mocking glass
to see all the beauty nature taunts.
the grass is green the flowers bloom
and yet here i sit
four gray walls

My heart wails to be free
chains of conscience does betray
my will to liberty

Death, death of my very essence!
the brake between
discipline and freedom
death of my vitality.
The gray becomes me, where does the gray begin?
I am the gray.

rainy day perspective.

2009-10-16T16:08:00.000-07:00

i was looking for a picture to convey my feeling on this dismal day of gloom. my friend jolin took an interesting picture the other day. it was of a sunset, but a sunset on a rainy day. the clouds had formed a overcast blanket of grey'ish blob. but the sun popped up at the last few minutes of day light. it was like the sun was saying "hey you jerk lemme shine through! my peoples need me!" a truly beautiful sight if you had your eyes open. the sun illuminated the grey sky making it a golden yellow. the sky beamed much like a lamp shade, this in turn lit up everything in sight. the clearest light was on everything and while jolin was looking at the sun set i was looking at everything the sun was shinning on, brilliant. there was a fresh spray of rain on everything so all the buildings, cars, trees, everything was sparkling.. life contains such beauty. i took out my note pad and wrote this:

"sometimes you step out into the storm and amidst the rain and wind and misery that one perfect moment occurs.
you achieve clarity and the clouds seam to smile at you."

can we ever achieve the clarity we so desire? we're so bogged down by the crap of this world! there is so much negativity in this world. endless futile hatred.. jealousy.. sex sex sex where ever you look. and worst of all ego. we're all drowning in the vomit of society selling you empty wells. you take a sip from that well and you quickly find you're thirsty all over again. isn't it true? there can never be enough. once you do it the thrill is over your high wears off or your pride runs low.. you need a refill. i'm telling you now if you do drugs(ie pot, alcohol etc..) where does it all go? you're wasting your money on a substitute of a true good feeling. .. me? i don't waste my time with that stuff. there is a very real world beyond what you know. if you're too busy staring at the sun set you'll miss the bigger picture.

wanna know the truth? no frills no gimmicks?

God knows all the crap we go through EV-ER-Y DAY...
all the disappointments all the lies all the cheaters the haters the stealers
the time she broke your heart, the time he broke your heart. the time they made fun of you...
the pressure those idiots put on you.. to what? TO BE SOME THING YOU ARE NOT!
God knows the garbage you have to put up with don't be fooled for a second thinking you're all on your own in this world, in this life. He knows..

God longs to just hold you in his arms. you can't hear it but i can. hes saying...

just.. come.. home..

maybe this is your one perfect moment.

ugh.

2009-10-13T00:18:00.000-07:00

i think most peoples perception of me is that i do not have trouble with relationships and concurrently do not have trouble with girls. well i don't know why people have this perception of me because it couldn't be further from the truth. i'm rather socially awkward and extremely timid. as for girls, well, there isn't much of anything going on there... when it comes to people i generally take a while to warm up to them before i feel comfortable enough to speak freely, and for girls... i probably have the maturity of a seventh grader.. i mean in the approach that is. socially awkward as they come folks. next to the definition of awkward in the dictionary is a picture of me with "urr...uhh.. umm... uh... urr.. uh..... uh... well.." under it. it doesn't help that all girls are fundamentally insane. i mean lets not kid ourselves here when i found out girls bleed out their baby makers once a month i was a bit traumatized as it is. all these years later not too much has changed. the female mind is probably the best argument to Newtonian law.. you know "every action has an equal and opposite re-action blah blah." yea right. there is just no clear answer to why they do what they do. see girls play games guys are too stupid to understand. i'm straight shooter, if there is something i want i go for it. so the female logic of playing games makes about as much sense as a butt hole on your elbow.

you think one day you're gonna wake up and you're gonna know. but you're WRONG! you see it in movies and tv and they all say when you find that 'one' the bells and whistles go off and you call this word 'fate' and it is good and it is destiny..
but sometimes.. fate is .. fate is creating a bridge of chance to the one you love.

we each have destinies i don't doubt that. some people wait far too long searching the skies for the fireworks to go off, when at your feet lay the flowers of yesterday. trains leave stations thats just how life goes.. if you don't hop on for the ride you just stay right there.

2009-10-12T22:44:00.001-07:00

yup that about sums it up..

2009-10-09T19:03:00.001-07:00

my weakness...

2009-10-01T01:41:00.001-07:00

the diaries of a restless mind.

2009-09-16T03:23:00.000-07:00

what is it i am doing at this very moment...?
laying here shirtless. trying to find peace from my thoughts. inside my mind a battle is being waged for control over what is at the centre of my attention. why is it my brain has no filter for stupid crap? no separation of what is of dire importance and what is utter nonsense... i'm thinking about how many people have asked me "whats new?" i draw a blank. give a stupid answer like "well..uhh.. i've been working a lot?.." the honest to God truth is i have nothing new to talk about. for someone so thirsty for adventure i sure live a bland life. is this a case of the "fall blues?" or is this a case of 'you're sitting on your ass too much. get off it..' either outcome compels the same solution: do something! i find the more a person dwells on one thing the more they are engulfed by it. therefore, it is best to quickly solve it or do what you can then move on. keep moving forward. that is the best remedy to this life-road block. each and every day i want to grow spiritually, mentally, maybe not physically... (lol unless it's taller.) i don't care about my destiny. what matters most is this moment. this very second. life is escaping me.. you.. us.. every second you spend on this planet on this stupid screen in front of you.. your life is ticking away. and what have you done today that is vast and profound and amazing. eat sleep move eat sleep move around learn crap. what about your heart? is it still where you left it? the world we live in is crumbling under our feet and you say "theres always tomorrow.." but i tell you one day your bones will turn to dust and your name forgotten amongst the billions. so why is it you worry about today or tomorrow or the next day? when you should be thinking about this very second. isn't there somebody you should be with? isn't there somebody you need to thank? isn't there somebody you need to hold in your arms for no other reason then to just hold them in-your-arms? isn't there someone you need to apologize to... whats holding you back? living your life worrying about the trivial pursuit of tomorrow is like writing you name in the dust that will be blown away. . and no one will have even known there was dust there. wealth is of the heart and mind.

let me remind you every second you waste sitting there.. thinking of what to do. you could be DOING what you SHOULD do...
get off your ass and live that life!!

life unlimited.

facing demons.

2009-09-14T23:28:00.000-07:00

lately i've been dealing with the skeletons in my closet. the demons surface and show their ugly faces. . .
i hate stumbling in life. i hate failure. starting at square one.. for many people i'm sure it's easy to believe giving up is an option. not for me. the word quit is not within my vocabulary. so when i stumble i look at it as an interesting opportunity. a way to prove my strength. when someone tells me "ryan you can't" i say "watch me."

i think i'm talking out of my ass. i guess i just needed to remind myself.

two wheels and the road.

2009-09-10T00:41:00.000-07:00

as much as i like to think i have a direction in life... the final say is not up to me. the things i pursue are just that, things i chase after. nobody gave me a guaranty of this or that, i just chase.. hope to God i can catch. with the hand full of concrete things in my life riding my bike is one of them. it doesn't have any preconceived notions of who i am, or have standards for me, or built up expectations of who i should be, it just sits there and waits to go fast. me and my 979 vitus. it's nothing much but i've heard back in it's day someone used one just like it to win the tour de france. so as i ride i relive the colored history of this bike. the bike that is older then i am.. the bike that has had many owners. the bike that was cared for enough to have a 600 dollar durace sti drive train installed. make no mistake it may look nostalgic but it's the equivalent to putting a ferrari engine in a vw beatle. it's my therapy. when everything in the world gets to be just a little bit too much i just hop on and pedal til the worlds a blur. something about the familiar feel of leather against jeans, and torn foam wraps on the palms of my hands... makes something change. and as i coast down the slight slope of my drive way to the curb my mind empties and the animal instinct comes alive. the quiet whir of wheels spinning and gears clicking. i breath deep and pedal my first stroke, around the bend and up the hill faster and faster until wind is blowing in my face. cool air rushing towards me. i can't slow down if i slow down the wind stops and when the wind stops the joy stops. so i keep pedaling faster and faster gear up gear down faster faster we go. i smell that smell, the smell of cold air on summer's morning, between that smell and the wind rushing towards my face i can think of no greater high this world can offer. the wheels keep turning and i keep going. higher and faster, up, anywhere the road takes me.. but it must be up. because with 'up' comes the promise of 'down' and with down i get to experience what people search their whole lives for...

. . .freedom. . .

when we go fast nothing can touch us, nothing matters.. for the few minutes i go down that hill i'm like a bird.. i'm flying and the world becomes silent. it's just me.. alone.. i feel like i'm cheating death every second i'm going faster. thinking "no human should be going this fast..." but i get greedy and go even faster. pushing the the limits of every component.. every nut bolt wire bearing gear. when it's just me two wheels and the road everything that is complicated about life becomes simple..

people ask me "why don't you drive?"

why do you?

some things are more important than others.

2009-09-07T18:28:00.001-07:00

everything is spiritual... it's just a matter of wether you're able to accept that.

2009-08-24T23:02:00.000-07:00

sometimes music says what words can not, don't you think?

2009-08-22T03:22:00.001-07:00

sing it al

2009-08-21T01:26:00.000-07:00

as my mind becomes weary and i begin to drift closer and closer to the manufactured colors of my subconscious. i think of life. is it a circle or is it a line? do we travel straight, or do we travel only to find we've come back to where we started?

i hear sounds, chiming of the winds touching metal, metal touching metal, reverberating the air traveling through the breeze across the fence across the grass through the window and in to my ears. subtle sounds of leaves blowing, clapping like a gentle applause. the night time breeze is quite beautiful, soothing. i used to think God is the wind blowing the leaves. i'd look up at the waves of air moving across the sea of leaves like long flowing hair, the trees breathing, the grass dancing, like a child's hand feeling water of a pond. wind by scientific explanation is the un even heating of the surface of the earth causing low and high pressure areas: wind. but i like my definition better... the novelty of God's wind has not worn off on me. as i sit and meditate on life i can only smile as i feel the gust of wind.

i don't care about phone calls or text messages, all i really want is ice cream... i could really go for some right about now.

2009-08-20T03:01:00.000-07:00

"hey God why are you shaking my life?"

"because you need it.."

"what the hell for? no pun intended.."

"ha-ha very funny... have you forgotten? 'my power is made perfect in weakness.' ... you think you're down and out, but i think you're just getting started. . . start living like you mean it!!"